Memory Loss Mysterium

Trying to explain memory loss (amnesia, not just normal forgetfulness) to people who don’t experience it, is like telling someone you found the keys to their car (that they don’t own) in a house somewhere in a city they’ve never been in. #TruthBeTold

It’s like there’s either a huge stereotype hyped up by TV shows and movies, that have no factual basis for the characters that play in them, or no knowledge whatsoever about it.

The closest movie I’ve ever saw was “50 1st Dates” about severe #AnterogradeAmnesia (inability to form new memories) which I have a mild form of. I also have #RetrogradeAmnesia (inability to remember the past) which erased my past almost entirely.

I can remember how to do math, how to drive a car, how to prepare foods, how to speak, walk, etc…. Some things I couldn’t remember how to do at all, at first. My ex’s mother actually taught me how to wash and brush my hair during the first couple of weeks after my accident.

According to neurologists, no two amnesiacs’ symptoms or memory issues are exactly the same. Which makes it THAT much harder for anyone not experiencing it to understand. No wonder so few can empathize.

It’s not like the knowledge about cancer or diabetes. So many people have both of those, that there is common knowledge as well as not-so-common knowledge that is fast becoming more commonly known. It’s really frustrating to be cut off from my own memory. It’s even more isolating to be cut of from humankind because of lack of knowledge or empathy. I have yet to meet anyone else with amnesia. I’ve met (online) thousands of people with brain injuries of all kinds, and some who have regained many memories (or pieces of them) but nobody like myself in my specific amnesiac situation.

It’s rather lonely being so separate from the rest of the world. It is a great thing that I don’t mind solitude, but human interaction/connection on a deeper level than just liking the same stuff, seems less likely every day. Some of my closest friends are quickly fading from my mind/memory. Not only does that make me feel like a horrible person, but it makes me angry that they have to lose their connection with me because of my amnesia. That’s not fair (wah wah wah) to either one of us.

I’m not griping, but have a firm realization of how badly this all sucks. That’s what the “(wah wah wah)” is about. I want to be sad about it, and sometimes I am overwhelmingly so, but what the heck can I actually do about it? Nothing. That’s what. I have recent (within the last two months) journal entries that I don’t recall ever happening at all. Sometimes it feels like I’m somewhere between awake and asleep, and my body cannot decide which side to be on. One day —- I hope I wake up!
Thanks for reading!


One thought on “Memory Loss Mysterium

  1. Dear TaraTBox,

    My name is Ashlee. I’m co-founder of the Youshare Project, with the mission to connect people around the world through true, personal stories. I recently stumbled across your blog and read several of your posts, including “Memory Loss Mysterium.” Your writing is so raw and honest, beautifully written and compelling. I think this story, or another about how your accident and living with TBI and amnesia has shaped you, would make a wonderful Youshare story, because I believe others facing similar challenges would be inspired by your story. Perhaps it would also help friends and family members of those living with TBI understand more fully what it’s like.

    If this sounds interesting to you, I would love to email you directly with more information and formally invite you to adapt your story to Youshare and share it with the project. You have my email address and website. I hope to hear from you soon.


    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s