Perhaps there’s no reason at all to figure out my personal history pre-amnesia;
~ or try to resolve and solve any unresolved issues or problems I’d created,
~ and there’s no reason to finish anything I’d started,
~ or to mend broken relationships with people who I don’t even remember/don’t remember having unresolved and broken relationships with….
(All Pre-Amnesia, I mean…)
Perhaps it’s best if I just left my previous(pre-amnesia) life in a state of disarray – without any regard for anything or anyone other than me….
Sound like some bullshiz?
Well, it IS. It doesn’t feel right…. now that I’ve realized there’s an entire life of messes that I never got the chance to clean up.
I feel I have a responsibility, even though I don’t recall any-effing-thing, to clean up my life -yes, including the old crap.. the crap that is STILL holding me back even though I wasn’t aware it existed… because it is MY history. It belongs to me and everyone who experienced it with me. That’s how life works, right? Am I wrong? Correct me if I’m wrong.
Yup, the wounds and the trash that I don’t even remember are still messing with my life.
It’s up to me to clean it up, because even though I’ve no effing clue how things happened, when, where, or who with, I don’t get a free pass because I have amnesia.
Nobody cares that I am living a clean slate – that only means something to me — to everyone else, I’m the same old pile of stinking mess I always had been. It doesn’t matter that I have zero recollection of my entire life.
Everyone else has their pieces of my life’s puzzle, and I’ll never see the whole thing. That’s just reality.
I’ll never have possession of every piece.
I’ll never know what happened, when, how, why, or who with.