Tuesday, February 3, 2015
After many months of searching for purpose, meaning, belonging, and what my talents are, I finally found my outlet in photography & editing. I’ve started a small business selling my shots, and various photo-products. Since I cannot hold an outside of the home job, one that requires me to drive, one with set hours, set days, etc, because of my injury side-effects and obvious inability to drive regularly – I decided to make my own job. Making the photo-products and opening a bank account for PayPal in order for folks to buy my stuff, took a while but is now almost done. Just a couple of steps remain before folks can start adding items to their online carts.
It took a LOT of soul-searching, disappointments, and even some total failures to bring me to where I am today.
Actually, my boyfriend of four and a half years and I just split up yesterday. I didn’t rest at all last night, and barely this morning. I’ve been feeling heavy, sad, burdened by grief, and totally in dismay that things weren’t as “good” as he let on they were. I had no clue he wasn’t “in love” with the me I am today. He’d been hoping I would magically revert into pre-amnesia Tara but I never have. He didn’t want to leave, but knows that living false-lives isn’t healthy for either of us, and I have to agree wholly.
This is a HUGE loss for me, almost as much as my initial amnesia shock had been. It’s going to take me a while to really settle my emotions about him leaving, and about feeling “inadequate” about myself and those whom care about me. This has been really harsh, hard, and has changed my perceptions on loyalty and honesty. Things could and would have been much different if he’d been honest about my changes and his feelings from the start. Maybe he was truly hoping that his emotions wouldn’t change, or that he’d somehow still be “in love” with the me I am now. I do not know.
Anyhow – I’m sure that greater things will happen, and the opportunity to sincerely put all of my time and energy into my small business venture will become a huge blessing of abundance and success.