I often feel like a ghost as well, but because of amnesia instead of being dead and then a coma…. I’ve been dead, but it was before my last brain injury – I’ve had memory issues my whole life, but my last brain injury caused severe amnesia.
When my family members and friends tell me about “the old me” it seriously feels like they’re talking about somebody other than me. It is not only creepy, but so very alienating. I feel like I don’t know who I was before memory loss. Having people describe me when they didn’t live my life and weren’t active in it for many years – well – that’s just plain hard to listen to.
I truly had nothing (not even belongings) when I came to live with my Mom and Dad after my last injury. I had to rebuild my entire life – from my health to my identity.
I lost a great deal of people along the journey, too – mostly because of memory loss. They didn’t understand and didn’t want to stick by me and get to know the me I am now. I feel those are losses twice over – not only do they not accept me now, but I lost them as allies too.
Through all the ‘coming back to health’ journey – my ex attacked me out of pure frustration, agony, and fear, so I lost him, too. The man who’d saw me through cancer, renal failure & deadly sepsis, and nursed me back to health for over 4 years – being my confidant the entire time – and my best friend. He wasn’t perfect and had flaws of his own, but losing him as an ally hurt just as much as losing my memories.
Of all people, I know what you’re going through, and I know that you must (we must) be unbelievably overly confident and massively optimistic in order to push through our limitations and force ourselves into better health. Brain injury is literally – thee hardest thing to heal from, because the brain takes too long to heal, and continues to die once injured. We’re all (brain injury survivors) fighting our own body as well as time itself.
That is NO small task.
Thanks for reading. 🙂 …until next blog… be well.